Swimming in grief

Let’s talk about grief

In the Summer of 2022, my sister Gemma died. It was very sudden, and traumatic. She was 43, with a beloved young son. I found painting very therapeutic, it really helped me explore my grief.

I’m a big advocate for talking about death and grief. It’s not something we’re very good at in British culture. So I’m (deep breath) sharing some very personal work here. And sending it to my sister with all my love. Always and forever.

Two women wearing sunglasses, one with short hair in a red shirt, and the other with long hair in a sleeveless striped top, sitting close together indoors in front of a patterned wall.

Colorful abstract portrait of a woman with dark hair, depicted with vivid lines and shades of blue, green, pink, and yellow, framed and set against a background of green plants and decorative objects.

This series depicts four seasons and a cycle of saying goodbye to Gemma.

An abstract painting of two women swimming in a pool, depicted in vibrant blue and purple hues.

Summertime sadness. Memories. Fading away.

Abstract painting with red, pink, orange, gold, and black colors, featuring textured brushstrokes and splatters.

Autumn. Fire. Rage. Torment. The red of my blood.

A vibrant abstract painting with thick brushstrokes depicting a colorful garden scene, including flowers and foliage with yellow, green, purple, and blue hues.

Winter. Cold cold heart.

Close-up of an abstract acrylic painting with thick textured strokes in shades of pink, yellow, purple, and green.

Spring. Daffodils (Gemma’s favourite flower). Blossom, new hope. White eagle, for my Aunty Janet.

Resources

The Griefcast, a podcast by Cariad Lloyd, was an absolute lifeline of hope and warmth. Grief can feel very lonely, the Grief Club really helped me. Cariad’s book is worth a read too.

PODCAST

Woman with wavy brown hair holding a book titled 'You are not alone' by Cariad Lloyd, with a colorful floral background.

Inspirational text titled 'Our mission' sharing a message about honoring and understanding grief through reflection, humility, curiosity, love, and acceptance.

I met Nici Harrison, of The Grief Space, at a grief circle held at Wilderness Festival. She brings people together around grief in a healing and supportive way. Her online grief circle last Christmas helped me navigate my feelings of love and loss throughout the festive and family focused season, which can be a particularly painful time.

GRIEF TENDING

BOOK

The Red of my Blood, by Clover Stroud, is a very moving account of a sister’s grief. Her sister, Nell Gifford, was the founder of Gifford’s Circus, and someone that I’d admired over the years , and had met. I felt a connection to her, the circus was an annual event in my family calendar. I read this book before Gemma’s illness was diagnosed, and then again after she died. It is an honest and harrowing account of sisterly love and loss, with beautiful depictions of how emotions translate into colour, chronicling a year in grief, which inspired the series of seasonal paintings above.

Two women smiling, one wearing a large gray hat, standing outdoors near a red vehicle.

CACAO & SOMA JOURNEYING

Nina Of Woodstock, has a beautiful studio and a beautiful soul. She has opened me up to being less cynical and more spiritual, as was my sister. Nina and Suz of Nurture and Shine have collaborated to create magical experiences. These also helped to inform my seasons series, with visions of shapes and light in soma breath work.

Two women sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of a window with sheer curtains, practicing yoga or meditation with their arms raised and hands forming triangles above their heads. They are surrounded by decorative items, including potted flowers, cups, and vases, in a cozy, well-lit room.